Notebooks.

I'm Melody. Duh? I know, allow me to elaborate. I hide so well, few people know what "I'm Melody" means. Those few people who do, won't be surprised by anything they read here, or maybe they will because I hide better than I thought.
I am Melody. I have always had a passion for writing. My mind is heavy with thought the majority of my days and I have always sat down at the end of the day to write, sometimes writing into early morning hours, filling almost an entire notebook.
I was sitting in front of the mirror today putting my make-up on and my mind was racing with intelligent thoughts and insights, but I had nothing to write with beside an eyeliner pencil. So I told myself I would go buy a new notebook today before work. Instantaneously I panicked, I can't afford that, I have this and that bills to pay before this and that date... LIGHT BULB. Blog. Even better because I can share with those who care to read. Instead of me hoarding notebooks filled with the contents of my experiences, my souls deepest secrets, I can spill them here and surrender to the mercy of my peers.
So there you have it, I'm gonna start blogging...

The heaviest thing on my mind today came to me in the shower. I was sudsing up my hair with my trusty Mane and Tail shampoo and my mind was burrowing into a place far away from my mothers upstairs bathroom in Clearfield, UT. . . but then it does more often these days.
The thought itself was a chain reaction coming from a haunting infliction of my memory.
Cheating. Being the accomplice in the act of cheating. You always hear the side of the victim. Rarely do you hear the side of the cheater, (mostly because who cares to listen?) and even rarer, the story of the accomplice. Well, I have held all three titles, though I am ashamed to admit, I would be a hypocrite if I were to hide all the facts, and the epiphany would be garbage.
So there I am, scrubbing furiously at my scalp as I am thinking of what I would like to say to the accomplice in my tragic story. But I had to stop and decide, is she the accomplice, or was I?
She had this person first, and I stole his attention, crushing her hopes and dreams right?
But I have to look further past that, to the real victim... her husband. So she is a cheater, who then became the accomplice. And I was the accomplice who then became the victim. And him. He was the accomplice who then became the cheater, who ultimately crushed my heart. My hopes and my dreams.
So who's the final victim??? Me? I'm afraid not, you see, the story has an even sadder ending, or for two of these people, beginning.
The final victim is the first victim. This woman's husband, who committed suicide. And her children who don't have their father because of the selfish actions of one person, or two people, or a few people...
Back to all the things I would like to say to this woman. "How do you sleep at night?" or, "God have mercy on your soul." I could think of many, many things I would like say to her but I the only one I would ACTUALLY say is, "I am sorry."
You don't get it do you?
I will someday love again. I will someday be somebody's everything, their only.
She on the other hand will be HIS one, but never his only. She will have to live with the fact that she did this to herself, and her family.

Being the accomplice is selfish, being the cheater (no doubt) is selfish, but do you realize being the victim can also be selfish? You're only cheating yourself.
Accomplices, even if the cheater does leave his or her significant other for you, you just became the significant other and i can assure you there are many other accomplices just like you... it's a vicious cycle.
"Enjoy."